Aug23

Summer A/C – A Six Months Diary Recollection In Five Parts – Life Is Complicated

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1.

I had to get A/C

this summer

I had no choice

.

not the one that refreshes you

the one that burns inside

called chemotherapy

.

red not the least

that’s how they call it

abroad Red Devil

.

2.

after a springtime

quite upsetting

first the diagnosis

.

then the tests results

always the opposite

of what I was hoping for

.

the metastasis going

thank goodness mine was a slow one

the hospitalization the surgery

.

3.

came recovery from surgery

infinite the time of the drainages and edemas

and the infection at the expander inserted

.

we made it just in time

right by the wee day to get to

the medical therapy necessary

.

considered the difficult nature

of the cells mutated in the darkness

of my perfect body as I saw it

.

4.

this A/C is hell

inside of you the portable one

it goes in up your veins all around

.

inside your body

attaching every single cells

you can feel it scorching them

.

you try to go on with your day

– I will rest I will get over this –

but you spend your time

.

listening to set off alarms

to observe what is going on

now in the central part

.

of your poor body

a planet on fire every thing burning

a country invaded

.

busy to defend itself

to free itself confused holds in and release

you sail – filled up with nausea

.

every thing moves

but not you – you have to be still

in the dark in the shadow

.

nowhere to be found it’s the torrid summer

everyone is on holiday at the sea or where is fresh

and you child of the sun – to live –

.

you got your A/C and you stayed home

with nausea but not from a boat

hot flashes but not from the beach

.

transformed in the fugitive of light and heat

as they seem to be the unnecessary flames

that lights the gas in my veins

.

5.

I go out after sunset a bit

if I manage four steps and a bit of a chat

otherwise I observe I lay and lose

.

the good cells and the disobeying ones

the digestive and intestinal

order I have always had so far

.

I observe perplexed this war

my body lives amplified

I though surgery was the worse part

.

almost as observing earth

from far away consuming itself in conflicts

on my top I become the moon

.

on my night pillow I don’t spread any more

the constellations of the serene nights

of my long white hair scattered

.

now I find the stubs of my very short hair

what is left until I will be shiny on top with a new shape

I will have to get used to that too

.

at the end of this complete makeover

that would not leave anything unturned

what light will ever shine out of me

.

16 responses »

  3. A/C and I are very well acquainted. The red devil tries to destroy but can never win your soul. There is hope after the summer from hell. You will beat evil and rise from the ashes. My heart is with you during these crazy times. You are going through so much and still a beautiful writer. I am 20 years cancer free this year. It feels good. You will feel it too. This AC (Amberley Charlotte) took that A/C down. Amberley 1 Cancer 0. Love and Light coming your way. If you need someone to chat with, I’m available.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply ↓

    • I love reading your words and getting strength from it, thank you. It’s a crazy crazy crazy trip. I will keep your invitation in mind, thank you for it and for your openness. Most of it congratulations for your 20 years cancer free I can only imagine how deep that joy runs!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply ↓

      • I am so happy that my words gave you some strength. It is a very crazy trip. You are very welcome. The invitation is open whenever, if ever, or for whatever reason.
        Thank you so much. I was not supposed to make it to 5 years so I am extremely grateful. Yes, the joy runs so so so very very deep. I am well aware of how blessed I am. 💜☀️🙏🏻

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