*
stand always
at the beginning of things
.
keep that attitude
as your compass in life
.
you are never at the
end it will never be
.
the end of the world
but always for us
.
the beginning
of anything new
.
.
This poem is in the first volume of “California Notebooks”.
To get your own copy click here
.
*
it seems some days
that the sun moves
at a faster speed
.
it raises for a kiss
as I get a cup of coffee
and let the cat out
.
I see them playing
together in the shiny
grass birds may
.
join too as I give
shape to new poetry
typing away
.
suddenly it taps
on the backyard for
a sad goodbye
.
as I sit speechless
.
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*
was dreaming of
sunny awakenings
sweet cuddling and words
few – tight together
.
was getting out to say
good morning – gratitude
will not fail me
a smile in spite
of everything
.
I will hold
happiness
between
my hands
.
*
solitude is the place
of clear listening
a shining
meadow
.
there we are
given the privilege
of grasping what fills
the apparently invisible
*
let solitude be
my greater passion
the place in which
my life thrives
.
.
*
the struggle to live
that has taken place
within me these past months
is disturbing the deeper
silence I was used to
.
Sunday Posts are dedicated to Italian poetry. Read the English vrs of this poem on last Tuesday post.
.
1.
mi sono dovuta fare
la A/C questa estate
non ho avuto scelta
.
non quella che rinfresca
quella che brucia dentro
ossia la chemioterapia
rossa non di meno
così la chiamano
all’estero Red Devil
.
2.
dopo una primavera
assai turbolenta
prima la diagnosi
.
poi i risultati dei test
sempre il contrario di
quello in cui speravo
.
poi le metastasi in corso
e fortuna che il mio non era veloce
poi il ricovero e la chirurgia
.
3.
poi il ricovero dalla chirurgia
i drenaggi infiniti e gli edemi
e l’infezione all’espansore
.
ecco siamo riusciti ad arrivare
giusto entro il tempo massimo
alla terapia medica necessaria
.
considerata la natura difficile
delle cellule mutate nel buio
del mio corpo perfetto lo credevo
.
4.
questa A/C è l’inferno
dentro di te portatile pensa
sale per le vene e gira
.
dentro tutto il corpo
aggredisce ogni cellula
bruciando e si sente
.
tu cerchi di vivere
che sarà mai sto a riposo
ma passi il tempo
.
ad avvertire allarmi
ad osservare cosa succede
nella parte centrale
.
del tuo povero corpo
un pianeta in fiamme tutto brucia
una società invasa
.
presa a difendersi
a liberarsi confusa trattiene rilascia
navighi piena di nausea
.
che tutto si muove
tranne tu che devi restare ferma
al buio all’ombra
.
che non c’è – perché fuori è estate – torrida pure
tutti sono in vacanza al mare o al fresco
e tu creatura solare per vivere
.
hai preso l’A/C e sei rimasta a casa
con la nausea ma non da barca
con le vampate ma non da spiaggia
.
tramutata in chi fugge la luce e il calore
che sembrano essere la fiamma
che accende il gas che gira nelle vene
.
5.
esco dopo il tramonto poco
se riesco a far due passi e due chiacchiere
per il resto osservo e perdo
.
cellule le buone e le disubbidienti
e l’ordine che avevo sempre avuto
a livello digestivo e intestinale
.
osservo perplessa questa guerra
amplificata io credevo il peggio
sarebbe stata la chirurgia
.
è quasi come osservare la terra
consumarsi nei conflitti da lontano
anche sopra perdo divento luna
.
sul cuscino non più le costellazioni
distese nelle notti serene
dei miei lunghi capelli bianchi
.
ora trovo i pochi capelli rasi
poi sarò lucida e di forma nuova
anche a quello dovrò abituarmi
.
alla fine di questa mutazione
completa che non ha tralasciato
nulla del mio corpo che luce avrò
.
1.
I had to get A/C
this summer
I had no choice
.
not the one that refreshes you
the one that burns inside
called chemotherapy
.
red not the least
that’s how they call it
abroad Red Devil
.
2.
after a springtime
quite upsetting
first the diagnosis
.
then the tests results
always the opposite
of what I was hoping for
.
the metastasis going
thank goodness mine was a slow one
the hospitalization the surgery
.
3.
came recovery from surgery
infinite the time of the drainages and edemas
and the infection at the expander inserted
.
we made it just in time
right by the wee day to get to
the medical therapy necessary
.
considered the difficult nature
of the cells mutated in the darkness
of my perfect body as I saw it
.
4.
this A/C is hell
inside of you the portable one
it goes in up your veins all around
.
inside your body
attaching every single cells
you can feel it scorching them
.
you try to go on with your day
– I will rest I will get over this –
but you spend your time
.
listening to set off alarms
to observe what is going on
now in the central part
.
of your poor body
a planet on fire every thing burning
a country invaded
.
busy to defend itself
to free itself confused holds in and release
you sail – filled up with nausea
.
every thing moves
but not you – you have to be still
in the dark in the shadow
.
nowhere to be found it’s the torrid summer
everyone is on holiday at the sea or where is fresh
and you child of the sun – to live –
.
you got your A/C and you stayed home
with nausea but not from a boat
hot flashes but not from the beach
.
transformed in the fugitive of light and heat
as they seem to be the unnecessary flames
that lights the gas in my veins
.
5.
I go out after sunset a bit
if I manage four steps and a bit of a chat
otherwise I observe I lay and lose
.
the good cells and the disobeying ones
the digestive and intestinal
order I have always had so far
.
I observe perplexed this war
my body lives amplified
I though surgery was the worse part
.
almost as observing earth
from far away consuming itself in conflicts
on my top I become the moon
.
on my night pillow I don’t spread any more
the constellations of the serene nights
of my long white hair scattered
.
now I find the stubs of my very short hair
what is left until I will be shiny on top with a new shape
I will have to get used to that too
.
at the end of this complete makeover
that would not leave anything unturned
what light will ever shine out of me
.
*
to read
to listen
to write
.
three steps
.
to be
to live
to die
.
.
*
waiting for me to stop
to jump on me
poetry leans inside
a fountain
I can drink from it
when I stop
.
.
*
waiting for me to stop
to jump on me
poetry leans inside
a fountain
I can drink from it
when I stop
.
.
*
slowly I breath
slowly I learn to be
myself mobile
in the universe cosmic
light I shine a bit
as I breath slowly as
a pulsating star
.
.
*
I have learned
about richness
.
breath and time
.
I have been made
rich by this knowledge
.
*
my gorgeous shell
is broken
in spite of all my care
attention
in spite of people’s
praises
.
some dark spots
where
found inside spreading
they cut me
to pull all of them out
saw me back
.
I still hurt where they
broke me
I lost that harmonic beauty
I need to heal
time is what I paid all of this for
to have more
.
.
Sunday’s posts are dedicated to Italian poetry. Tuesday posts will be in English.
*
1.
l’albero in fondo
alla mia stanza d’ospedale
ha preso la forma
della seta l’acqua non lo raggiungeva
io ignara passeggiavo
fino a che ho visto
.
sembrava
malattia ma penso sia
solo la sete
.
⁃ la vicina strepitava
⁃ insulti verso me a voce altissima
⁃ che non le sono mai piaciuta
.
come anelo a distanze
galattiche dagli esseri umani
preoccupati dal niente
brutti fino in fondo
.
2.
la mia stanza d’ospedale
dove sto avanzando
nella mia convalescenza
è tutta verde e viva
piena di silenzio e voci senza suoni
danza parla e si muove
.
mi accoglie mentre esploro
e mentre verso la poca cura
che posso mentre io abbraccio
con gli occhi e con il cuore
sono con me in questa stanza
chiamata giardino di casa
gatti uccelli ricci e insetti
.
salvo chi posso mentre avanzo
passi nella culla verde
che cammina con me
verso la guarigione o forse
verso la morte ancora non so
.
la pace che colgo
prepara la mia anima
per entrambe
.
annamosca 