Tag Archives: cancer

Summer A/C – A Six Months Diary Recollection In Five Parts – Life Is Complicated

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1.

I had to get A/C

this summer

I had no choice

.

not the one that refreshes you

the one that burns inside

called chemotherapy

.

red not the least

that’s how they call it

abroad Red Devil

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2.

after a springtime

quite upsetting

first the diagnosis

.

then the tests results

always the opposite

of what I was hoping for

.

the metastasis going

thank goodness mine was a slow one

the hospitalization the surgery

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3.

came recovery from surgery

infinite the time of the drainages and edemas

and the infection at the expander inserted

.

we made it just in time

right by the wee day to get to

the medical therapy necessary

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considered the difficult nature

of the cells mutated in the darkness

of my perfect body as I saw it

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4.

this A/C is hell

inside of you the portable one

it goes in up your veins all around

.

inside your body

attaching every single cells

you can feel it scorching them

.

you try to go on with your day

– I will rest I will get over this –

but you spend your time

.

listening to set off alarms

to observe what is going on

now in the central part

.

of your poor body

a planet on fire every thing burning

a country invaded

.

busy to defend itself

to free itself confused holds in and release

you sail – filled up with nausea

.

every thing moves

but not you – you have to be still

in the dark in the shadow

.

nowhere to be found it’s the torrid summer

everyone is on holiday at the sea or where is fresh

and you child of the sun – to live –

.

you got your A/C and you stayed home

with nausea but not from a boat

hot flashes but not from the beach

.

transformed in the fugitive of light and heat

as they seem to be the unnecessary flames

that lights the gas in my veins

.

5.

I go out after sunset a bit

if I manage four steps and a bit of a chat

otherwise I observe I lay and lose

.

the good cells and the disobeying ones

the digestive and intestinal

order I have always had so far

.

I observe perplexed this war

my body lives amplified

I though surgery was the worse part

.

almost as observing earth

from far away consuming itself in conflicts

on my top I become the moon

.

on my night pillow I don’t spread any more

the constellations of the serene nights

of my long white hair scattered

.

now I find the stubs of my very short hair

what is left until I will be shiny on top with a new shape

I will have to get used to that too

.

at the end of this complete makeover

that would not leave anything unturned

what light will ever shine out of me

.

Time

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my gorgeous shell

is broken

in spite of all my care

attention

in spite of people’s

praises

.

some dark spots

where

found inside spreading

they cut me

to pull all of them out

saw me back

.

I still hurt where they

broke me

I lost that harmonic beauty

I need to heal

time is what I paid all of this for

to have more

.

.

Growing

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*

with poems I color

my emotions of new hues

stretch the perimeters

.

grasp a dreamed story

giving it legitimacy

the gifts are shared

.

my soul’s eyes scan

the air around of me

the breath of God

.

the most soft of nests

I am watching myself

growing with as I create

.

Can You See

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*

right in the middle

someone turned off

—— my light

.

since I have this feeling

.

of disconnect

of not getting what’s going on

of abiding dark

.

can you see please

what

I am going through

.

.

Kind Words

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*

what if I told you

to send me water

.

as everyone is

busy sending me light

.

may healing come

without parching

in a bath of light

.

as well as sipping

in all the water

.

I need to stand

tall once more

.

Hospital Time

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*

in silence

is solace

is healing

.

in silence

sleeps comes

taking me places

.

while my healing

is weaved inside

my wounded body

.

silence is planning

my next steps to

warn off the enemy

.

that came inside

as shift as a thief

the cancerous cells

.

The Great Unknown

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the great unknown

isn’t death I fear

to do harm to my body

this I fear indeed

to make poor choices

given what others say

not to discern my best

.

yet surrender

like a fish’s body in

stormy waters.

.

⁃ for what I know

.

that may be safe

to let the invisible pull me

while trusting fate

.

The New Territory

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the new territory

I found myself on

.

this not knowing

all I could know

.

waiting long days

molding thoughts

.

making the dark

ones captive

.

feeling your body

changing under

your finger tips

.

Being, from the California Notebooks 02 (EN/IT)

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This poem – from the newly finished collection California Notebooks 02 – is dedicated to my dear friend Anna Maria who just stepped into everlasting life after much suffering due to cancer.

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being there
one day

where the sound
of butterflies wings

could be heard
stretched on a smile

attentive to my
body changes

on the awe of gratitude
cracking away

a bit at a time
to deeper life

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Questa poesia – tratta dalla nuovissima collezione California Notebooks 02 – è dedicata alla cara, dolcissima, amica Anna Maria, appena passata a vita migliore dopo una lunga sofferenza dovuta al cancro.

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*

esserci
un giorno

dove il suono delle
ali delle farfalle

può essere ascoltato
disteso su un sorriso

vigile ai mutamenti
del mio corpo

stupore della gratitudine
mi incrino un poco

alla volta a vita
più profonda

.

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