Tag Archives: cancer

Fear Lives

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fear lives in us

the more we push it

out the more

it sinks its roots in the dark

.

to be able

to recognize it when

we look from its eyes

terrified

.

at life well aware

we don’t understand

what influences us is what

halts my words now

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Stand Always

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stand always
at the beginning of things

.

keep that attitude
as your compass in life

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you are never at the
end it will never be

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the end of the world
but always for us

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the beginning
of anything new

.

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This poem is in the first volume of “California Notebooks”.

To get your own copy click here

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Summer A/C – A Six Months Diary Recollection In Five Parts – Life Is Complicated

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1.

I had to get A/C

this summer

I had no choice

.

not the one that refreshes you

the one that burns inside

called chemotherapy

.

red not the least

that’s how they call it

abroad Red Devil

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2.

after a springtime

quite upsetting

first the diagnosis

.

then the tests results

always the opposite

of what I was hoping for

.

the metastasis going

thank goodness mine was a slow one

the hospitalization the surgery

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3.

came recovery from surgery

infinite the time of the drainages and edemas

and the infection at the expander inserted

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we made it just in time

right by the wee day to get to

the medical therapy necessary

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considered the difficult nature

of the cells mutated in the darkness

of my perfect body as I saw it

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4.

this A/C is hell

inside of you the portable one

it goes in up your veins all around

.

inside your body

attaching every single cells

you can feel it scorching them

.

you try to go on with your day

– I will rest I will get over this –

but you spend your time

.

listening to set off alarms

to observe what is going on

now in the central part

.

of your poor body

a planet on fire every thing burning

a country invaded

.

busy to defend itself

to free itself confused holds in and release

you sail – filled up with nausea

.

every thing moves

but not you – you have to be still

in the dark in the shadow

.

nowhere to be found it’s the torrid summer

everyone is on holiday at the sea or where is fresh

and you child of the sun – to live –

.

you got your A/C and you stayed home

with nausea but not from a boat

hot flashes but not from the beach

.

transformed in the fugitive of light and heat

as they seem to be the unnecessary flames

that lights the gas in my veins

.

5.

I go out after sunset a bit

if I manage four steps and a bit of a chat

otherwise I observe I lay and lose

.

the good cells and the disobeying ones

the digestive and intestinal

order I have always had so far

.

I observe perplexed this war

my body lives amplified

I though surgery was the worse part

.

almost as observing earth

from far away consuming itself in conflicts

on my top I become the moon

.

on my night pillow I don’t spread any more

the constellations of the serene nights

of my long white hair scattered

.

now I find the stubs of my very short hair

what is left until I will be shiny on top with a new shape

I will have to get used to that too

.

at the end of this complete makeover

that would not leave anything unturned

what light will ever shine out of me

.

Time

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my gorgeous shell

is broken

in spite of all my care

attention

in spite of people’s

praises

.

some dark spots

where

found inside spreading

they cut me

to pull all of them out

saw me back

.

I still hurt where they

broke me

I lost that harmonic beauty

I need to heal

time is what I paid all of this for

to have more

.

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Growing

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with poems I color

my emotions of new hues

stretch the perimeters

.

grasp a dreamed story

giving it legitimacy

the gifts are shared

.

my soul’s eyes scan

the air around of me

the breath of God

.

the most soft of nests

I am watching myself

growing with as I create

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Can You See

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right in the middle

someone turned off

—— my light

.

since I have this feeling

.

of disconnect

of not getting what’s going on

of abiding dark

.

can you see please

what

I am going through

.

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Kind Words

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what if I told you

to send me water

.

as everyone is

busy sending me light

.

may healing come

without parching

in a bath of light

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as well as sipping

in all the water

.

I need to stand

tall once more

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Hospital Time

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in silence

is solace

is healing

.

in silence

sleeps comes

taking me places

.

while my healing

is weaved inside

my wounded body

.

silence is planning

my next steps to

warn off the enemy

.

that came inside

as shift as a thief

the cancerous cells

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The Great Unknown

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the great unknown

isn’t death I fear

to do harm to my body

this I fear indeed

to make poor choices

given what others say

not to discern my best

.

yet surrender

like a fish’s body in

stormy waters.

.

⁃ for what I know

.

that may be safe

to let the invisible pull me

while trusting fate

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The New Territory

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the new territory

I found myself on

.

this not knowing

all I could know

.

waiting long days

molding thoughts

.

making the dark

ones captive

.

feeling your body

changing under

your finger tips

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