*
life is handed
to us in its mystery
.
it looks as if
it is missing instructions
or punctuation
when I try it over and over
I may get it
.
the poetry I write
is what is given to me
.

*
life is handed
to us in its mystery
.
it looks as if
it is missing instructions
or punctuation
when I try it over and over
I may get it
.
the poetry I write
is what is given to me
.
*
fear lives in us
the more we push it
out the more
it sinks its roots in the dark
.
to be able
to recognize it when
we look from its eyes
terrified
.
at life well aware
we don’t understand
what influences us is what
halts my words now
.
*
the garden repeats
itself with no shame
day after day
year after year
it is the ritual of life
honest repetitions
with no aim to gain
simply to be
I learn each day
from these visits
each step I take
wisdom sheds
entering me
imperceptible
it takes a needy
heart to see
this incredible
life experience
.
*
the garden repeats
itself with no shame
day after day
year after year
it is the ritual of life
honest repetitions
with no aim to gain
simply to be
I learn each day
from these visits
each step I take
wisdom sheds
entering me
imperceptible
it takes a needy
heart to see
this incredible
life experience
.
*
stand always
at the beginning of things
.
keep that attitude
as your compass in life
.
you are never at the
end it will never be
.
the end of the world
but always for us
.
the beginning
of anything new
.
.
This poem is in the first volume of “California Notebooks”.
To get your own copy click here
.
1.
I had to get A/C
this summer
I had no choice
.
not the one that refreshes you
the one that burns inside
called chemotherapy
.
red not the least
that’s how they call it
abroad Red Devil
.
2.
after a springtime
quite upsetting
first the diagnosis
.
then the tests results
always the opposite
of what I was hoping for
.
the metastasis going
thank goodness mine was a slow one
the hospitalization the surgery
.
3.
came recovery from surgery
infinite the time of the drainages and edemas
and the infection at the expander inserted
.
we made it just in time
right by the wee day to get to
the medical therapy necessary
.
considered the difficult nature
of the cells mutated in the darkness
of my perfect body as I saw it
.
4.
this A/C is hell
inside of you the portable one
it goes in up your veins all around
.
inside your body
attaching every single cells
you can feel it scorching them
.
you try to go on with your day
– I will rest I will get over this –
but you spend your time
.
listening to set off alarms
to observe what is going on
now in the central part
.
of your poor body
a planet on fire every thing burning
a country invaded
.
busy to defend itself
to free itself confused holds in and release
you sail – filled up with nausea
.
every thing moves
but not you – you have to be still
in the dark in the shadow
.
nowhere to be found it’s the torrid summer
everyone is on holiday at the sea or where is fresh
and you child of the sun – to live –
.
you got your A/C and you stayed home
with nausea but not from a boat
hot flashes but not from the beach
.
transformed in the fugitive of light and heat
as they seem to be the unnecessary flames
that lights the gas in my veins
.
5.
I go out after sunset a bit
if I manage four steps and a bit of a chat
otherwise I observe I lay and lose
.
the good cells and the disobeying ones
the digestive and intestinal
order I have always had so far
.
I observe perplexed this war
my body lives amplified
I though surgery was the worse part
.
almost as observing earth
from far away consuming itself in conflicts
on my top I become the moon
.
on my night pillow I don’t spread any more
the constellations of the serene nights
of my long white hair scattered
.
now I find the stubs of my very short hair
what is left until I will be shiny on top with a new shape
I will have to get used to that too
.
at the end of this complete makeover
that would not leave anything unturned
what light will ever shine out of me
.
*
I have learned
about richness
.
breath and time
.
I have been made
rich by this knowledge
.
*
the new territory
I found myself on
.
this not knowing
all I could know
.
waiting long days
molding thoughts
.
making the dark
ones captive
.
feeling your body
changing under
your finger tips
.
*
the dismay sinking
me down from other’s
anxieties thrown around
may I find strength to
pull out from under
may I live longer
.
*
if I could just scan
the soil and the earth
looking for ghosts
.
lingering
.
looking for
someone they pretend
they lost
.
taking time
.
while we blindly go
continuing our lives
.
*
I shall try rest
and sipping water
I shall walk alone
in silence
.
putting pieces
together step
after step breath
after breath
.
as long as I live
.
*
solitude lived
in absence
of fear
leads you
to great riches
.
*
the times I survived
my hardships
.
brought abruptly
into my life
were those on which
.
I stood on adversity
as a bird
perched on a tree
.
*
tall piles of books
tall piles of paper
tall piles of drawings
tall piles of note taking
tall piles of poems scribbled
a few empty jars cleaned out
I live in my ideal city pushed
back in the corner I sit
each title a windows’
line each space
a possibility
.
*
we all walk
bundled up on
winter days
but the dogs
jump for joy
the old man
will not sit by
his fire he takes
himself out
slowly stretching
his steps next
to the lines
of poplars
he will walk to
the end not
a thought
of surrender
.
© 2013
.